


Easier

by GreenPhoenix



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 19:14:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2281410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix/pseuds/GreenPhoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Different take on season six. Toby is on the outside, but he's not really coping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easier

There is no easy way to talk about this. He supposes it’s better late than never. To tell the woman he’s dating about the man he loved.   
Still loves if he’s being honest with himself. She deserves to know, and then maybe things can work out between them.

He’s been dating Marion for six weeks; enough time to grow fond of her and he realizes that she could be someone important to him if he just let her. He doesn’t know if he will yet.   
He’s fond of her small hands, her laugh and the way she says hello. She’s socially acceptable in a way a serial killing conman with a Christ tattoo and large chip on his shoulder will never be.   
He supposes he should try to feel a little more for Marion. She’s sweet and she deserves a good man. He’s not sure he’s it.

*

“What was it like?” she asks, in the small café where they meet sometimes.  
“Prison? Oh a walk in the park,” he says and surveys the surroundings as ever. No one is watching them.  
“Don’ t be snide. Tell me. I need to know.”  
“Hell on Earth. It cost me Gen and Gary and dad, and my self respect and sanity.”  
“I’m sorry.” She really is, from her pretty face down to her cheap shoes that look expensive.  
“So they all say,” He tries not to sound bitter, but of course he is.  
“What did they do to you?”  
“Everything I deserved and more. You’ve seen the tattoo, right? That was just one of Vern’s ideas.”  
“Oh God…” Her face is wide-open with shock. She’s heard the stories of what goes on in prisons, but she’s never thought about what it really means when it’s happened to the man she’s dating. The harsh reality is reflected in Toby’s weary blue eyes, the way he slumps his shoulders and sighs just now.

“Yeah. I prayed to him and Allah. Didn’t do much good.” He’s told her about Said, and his influence on Toby was positive, but he’s dead now, killed for some pointless reason.  
“And Chris?” Toby has mentioned Chris, more than once, but never who he really is to Toby.  
“Keller. Yeah, he was the one who betrayed me and saved me. My cellie and my lover.”  
“You were lovers? He made you?” she asks, stunned.  
“No. We never did anything I didn’t want, didn’t beg him to do to me.”  
“Did you..do you love him? “ Her face is ashen now, sensing the answer. She’s no dummy.  
“Yes.”   
“Does he love you?”   
“Yes. Until death and all that. He’s in for life.”  
“So I’m just a pastime till you mess up again and get to be with the one you truly love?”  
“No. I care about you,” he insists.  
“It’s not enough. I’m sorry. I need someone who loves me you know? “  
He understands and tells her goodbye. She doesn’t suggest they try to be friends. It would be a lie.

*

Truth is, life on the outside is harder than he remembered. Small talk is something he’s forgotten how to do. He can only talk in absolutes and veiled threats.   
He can’t love without holding on too tightly, without leaving bruises on the soul and body. Poor Marion. She got out just in time.   
He hasn’t seen the kids in weeks, he’s afraid he’ll hurt them or say something that’ll scar their souls. They don’t need him, or his flawed punishing love. Chris does however. 

*

He accepts the obvious parole violation on behest of Chris because he’s tired of pretending to be the man he once was. He wears that Tobias’ skin and bones, but the soul is changed. The beast has taken hold of him now.   
He’s hardly scared when they pick him up and take him back to Oz. He’s relived, but plays along anyway. He spits fire and brimstone but he feels so much better here. No need for masks, or pretense.

*

Chris wants him back, of course he does. He feigns anger, because it’s expected of him. Eventually he surrenders and lets Chris do what he wants.  
It turns out to be mutually beneficial. This is love, not the pale watered-down version that Marion offered.   
When Chris bites him hard, marking his neck he realizes that this is what he needs; what he truly wants. Here he can be free and has no need to hold back anything, if he did it would make him weaker. Anger is an energy.  
All his hate and anger can feed into his obsession with Chris, and Chris will take it all and turn it into love. Make it almost sacred, like a ritual where the supplicant surrenders his free will and obeys a divine being. He’s a bride of Chris.

*

The others will say he’s Chris’ bitch but they know nothing of what they are to each other. Nothing of the complex bond of love and hate they have. In captivity he can finally be free. Free in the lowest circle of hell, and the devil walking beside him. It’s a seductive devil, all smiles and silver tongue. And no less devoted to him than was the demon alcohol.


End file.
